Moving On From A Breakup In Your 30s
We’ve had a lot of readers ask us advice on dealing with a breakup in your 30s and so if you’re reading – this one is for you. Regardless of age, breakups are hard. In your 30s, there is probably a lot more ‘baggage’ to deal with i.e. children, broken engagements or someone moving out. Coupled by the pressure of all your friends coupling up and making babies, it’s no wonder being newly single and 30 is a daunting idea. This article is about moving on and finding yourself in a better place. Trust us, we’ve been there – a better place does exist.
Free Time in Our Time Poor Lives
You’ve just broken up with your partner and suddenly have a lot more free time. (Read: How to breakup with grace).While most spend this time thinking about how lonely they are, how much they miss their partner, or who their next rebound will be, I encourage you to use this free time to your advantage because this is probably the last time you’ll have it. Eventually you’ll move on, meet someone else, make babies and be one of those mums who don’t have time to wash their hair. You see where we’re going with this? Lap up all the free time while you can and be selfish with your time. This may sound odd to you but when I broke up with my boyfriend, I was thrilled that my laundry load had significantly decreased by 50%. It meant weekends were no longer spent hauling his t-shirts (why do guys have so much laundry anyway?). Since then, I’ve traded laundry time with the bf with time at the beach (no brainer which is better).
Now is the time to do all the things you never had time to do. Take up new hobbies, make new friends, expand your social circle. You never know what’s right around the corner.
Things End so New Things Can Begin
Not all relationships were meant to last forever. Some stay for months, others stay for seasons. What fun would it be if you met ‘the one’ right away? (Read: The Ones You Meet Before the One). Who would have funny first date horror stories to tell? Relationships end for endless reasons. It could be timing, two people wanting different things or infidelity. No matter how long you two were together or how things ended, know that even beautiful relationships can end so a new one can begin.This can be a relationship with yourself or with another person. Regardless, it happens to make you a better partner for your next relationship, every relationship teaches you something.
Open the possibility of a new beginning. If anyone gives you a speech about dating in your 30s….that all the good ones are taken, tune it out. For every relationship ending, there is one beginning. With the divorce rate being so high, you can bet there are plenty of 30 something singles ready to date you. It’s just the way the world works. (Read: When you are 30 and single.)
Because Life Doesn’t Always Go To Plan
Just months ago, I thought I would be engaged and married by the time I turned 32. I’d been in a long term relationship and it was about time to take the relationship further. So when out of the blue, he called it quits – I was a bit lost. Suddenly my plans had changed. (In retrospect, I was more upset about the change of plans than losing the guy). Time passed and I realised I had my my future in someone else’s hands. An educator by the name of Dr.Martini said – “If you don’t take control of your life, someone else will”. I had practically given my future away for someone else to dictate. No wonder I felt lost when he was no longer in my life. Instead of focussing on what my then boyfriend did/did not do – I focussed on myself. If this is what you’ve come to realise, make a list of what you want. It’s an indulgent thing for your single self to do because there is no one else to consider.
So your plans didn’t go according to plan and you find yourself with a clean slate. Congratulations! You can now do whatever you want with your life with whoever you want. Remember: Sometimes things have to fall apart so everything can fall back into place.
Want to build a solid mindset to help you bounce back from the ups and downs of dating? Learn to create the mindset of a woman who attracts the good guys. —- 30everafter school of love
What's Your Reaction?
You need to be really precise here, so something
like “Change my calendar on 10th November. Instead act against your feelings and allow them the space they need. By doing so, you could end up saving yourself a great deal of heartache if, for some reason, the relationship does not fare well again.
The thing is, he hasn’t really moved on.Guys and girls work clltmepeoy different and its hard for one to understand how the other works.What you see as moving on is clltmepeoy different in his eyes.Right now i can telll you for a fact that he misses you. he is just doin a good job of covering it up. He is flirting with other girls because it takes away the hurt. for a split second it makes him feel loved . there was a study done that the feelings of loss are 10 times stronger than any feeling of happiness, so he is trying 10 times harder to make those feelings go away. guys may pick up another girlfriend or booty call and appear to be happy and content, but inside they know that the slut their kissing doesnt quite do it for him. he knows that she cant be trusted, and she wont always be there for himis he having fun? more than likelyis he happy? no.to be honest, the faster they move on, the more they hurt .let me explain.if a guy has no feelings of loss, then there is nothing he needs to compensate for and continues normally.if their are substantial feelings of loss, then there is much need for compensation, which would explain why he is trying so hard to get a girlfriend. but he will end up settling for a quick(sub-par) girlfriend instead of waiting for an ideal one to come his way.
your number is unclobked from mine so u can text me if u ever have anything interesting to say lol and I just said K and then on Sunday afternoon he text me again and said hey watz up and I was trying to be nice and make him laugh so I said I was watching the Wizard Of Oz with my pet bunny, he laughed and said well u do that and in the mean time i’m gonna go to bed ttyl so I thought that was the end of our conversation but then he called me at 11 O’clock that night and said we had a good relationship but I (he) sat back and watched it all go to waste and I know we have been picking at each other a lot here recently and I was jw can we be friends? and I didn’t say anything back and he raised his voice and said SO SILENCE IS WHAT I GET!! and I said well what do you want me to say? and he said yes would be nice ,so I said ok and then we hung up.then he text me yesterday and just said hey and I told him I was in class and he said oh yeah I forgot but when he was mad at me right after the break up he knew exactly when my classes where because he wouldn’t come around my house at that time (that’s even what he told my brother, He and my brother are really good friends) anyway, so I told him I would text him after I got out of class and when I got home I text him back and he asked me how I was doing and then he said can I ask you a question? I said ok and he said did I ever make you feel pressured to do anything while we were dating? and I told him that was the past and I didn’t want to talk about that (I bought the magic of making up ebook and that’s what it said to do) and he said oh sorry my bad and then we ended the conversation . then YET AGAIN he text me and we were talking about heaven only knows what and for some reason he called me a fibber, so of course I ended the conversation (in a polite way) and then he started texting again and he said his mom wanted me to go to a ladies meeting with her and she came and picked me up and he was with her and he talked to me once or twice and I answered him back but when we dropped him off he said thanks for talking to me but he was being sarcastic then later he text me and said I was ignoring him (do you notice the attitude changes??) so at the meeting I was talking to his mom and I told her about him saying I was a fibber and I asked if she knew why and she said he was probably kidding. Later on that night he text me and said sorry for calling you a fibber and I told him it was ok and then he text me again after about a hour had passed and said he missed me then when I acted like I didn’t like him anymore he covered it by saying he meant like as friends and then he started asking me about this guy we go to church with and said we would make a cute couple and just to see what he would say I said yeah he said the same thing and he said who? John? he said you would? then his mom text me and said what did you say to _____ (my ex) what ever you said hit a nerve and I told him no he has a gf and he said oh so then who said that? and I told him nobody said it and his mom told me the whole time he was texting me he was freaking out and he text me back and said oh ok well I was jw anyway it doesn’t matter who you date just as long as you’re happy and I told him I was and he said ok well I g2g and that was it. I hate how confusing he is.
it all the time.2. She cckhes his phone’s inbox. She says her mom told her to, but I don’t she says she cckhes cause he is a lady’s man and she wants to be updated too.3. He started checking her phone. I don’t know since when. He saw my messages and pics. He said that she’s too young to go out with a guy and kinda insults me. She’s a teenager by the way.4. She said before that she follows him on dates. She says she wants to see him mess up but I think she’s jealous or something.5. He saw her naked before. She says it’s on accident, but I don’t know. I don’t know if she saw him naked or not, but she did catch him having sex with his gf before.6. When we have a misunderstanding and argument, she would ask me at the end, don’t you think I’m acting like a bitch lately? I don’t know what to say. I don’t think so, so I told her no, but I read somewhere, that a girl saying/thinking that isn’t a good sign, but we have been having misunderstandings lately.7. Her brother had sex with his gf, fully knowing that he doesn’t want to be with her forever. He told my gf that. I feel he was trying to explain to her, like a husband to a wife when he has an affair.8. She gets mood swings sometimes and she knows perverted stuff. I don’t fully know how. She says she overhears from friends conversation and from movies on accident.9. When I told her what I thought, she defends him. Fully saying that he isn’t that sort of guy, when he clearly was using his gf for sex in my opinion.10. They fight when their parents aren’t around to see. She told me they were just messing around and stuff . but I don’t feel comfortable with it.11. They are alone a lot, since both parents work at least until 5pm. At least once, they were alone all day.12. She never asks what I’m up to, but she cckhes her bro’s phone to see what he is up to. I don’t feel the love. Like she loves him more and doesn’t care what I do. Like I’m an excuse for her or a substitute for not legally being able to be with her brother.13. Her bro isn’t that much older than her. Within dating and marriage ages. 14. She tells me a lot of times that incest is gross and stuff. She probably thinks that, but I don’t know about her brother. I don’t like him. I suspect him to know, yet still doing it. She doesn’t know, and when i tell her, she gets upset with me and fully defends him and tell me I’m wrong.15. I heard him banging the door to her shower before when I talked to her on the phone. She told him: don’t you dare come in or something.16. Their rooms are next to each other. The bathroom is in the middle and the rooms are connected. He can enter from main door to her room or through bathroom I think.I know this is long, but please help me out on this one. I don’t know what to do. Their relationship, seem too close to be just family love. I even asks my dad about it, and he says that’s not right. I really love her, so I would like to know if these are signs of incest at least on her brother’s part or not. Or am I overthinking? It’s really bothering me and when I tell her, she gets upset at me and defends her brother. Is this incest (or at least her brother wanting/thinking of sexual thoughts about his sister) or am I thinking too much? And what am I supposed to do?I do not often ask her this. I only asked and told her today, and once long ago.1-4 times before actually like little bits of it since I wasn’t really bothered by it until today.