Sex On The First Date – Yes or No?

I don’t know any guy who would refuse sex. So it’s no surprise that guys will not think twice about sleeping with you on the first date – if you let him. I assume that by now, you would have thrown out any dinosaur dating advice you’d find in ‘The Rules’ but if you’re looking for something more serious, your sexcapades could hinder you from a meaningful relationship. Here’s why:

Jack:Most guys are going to try and sleep with you. Simple as that. Even the nastiest man can pretend to be Prince Charming for a night. Three dates and you’ll either see his true nature or discover that he is a perfect gentleman. 

The Mouse. The Maze and The Cheese

Put simply by my friend Andy: “It’s like putting a mouse through a maze to get to the cheese. If you give it the cheese, why would it go through the maze?”. Whether you sleep with someone on the first date depends on your intention. If you’re looking for a relationship, it’s probably best to hold out on jumping into bed with your new guy. Guys value what they have if they have worked for it.

If you’re still reading this, I can probably guess what some of you are thinking… that this is prude of me to even suggest withholding sex to land a man. Well, that is not the point. Many women equate sex with an emotional connection while to men, sex is just physical.

Jack: Stereotype much? Girls are just as bad as men.

So while the idea of ‘no strings attached sex’ can be liberating for the modern gal, most of us can’t really do casual dating. Women typically equate sex with intimacy (under false premises not having even known the guy) and so in sleeping with someone on the first date, she has just fast-tracked the relationship…while the guy is still in home base. Our resident guy expert Jack agrees: Once you’ve had sex, women have a set of expectations from you and it’s harder to bail. It complicates a relationship that should be easy to end. If I go on a date with a girl I don’t feel a connections with, it is a simple thing to tell her and end it then and there. If I sleep with her on the first date knowing that I don’t want to see her again, I am compelled to continue the relationship past its expiry date. Sure I can simply not call her ever again but I would not ever be such an asshole. 

What’s more, having sex with someone too soon ruins the mystique. Instead of actually getting to know the person, you’re more likely to think of where you two will do the deed next. Dan recently met a very nice girl – girlfriend type as he describes her. However, he admits that if she hadn’t of slept with him on the second date, he would have pursued something more. There are a few exceptions to the rule and I have known people who’ve married the person they slept with on the first date. These however, are exceptions.

Jack: Dan obviously didn’t want to date her for other reasons. Sex doesn’t alter the perception of the person you date…unless you had sex in the restaurant bathroom or in the park on the way home to your place.

If you’re just looking for something casual, ignore all of the above. If not, wait a few dates or two before jumping into bed with someone.

Jack: It’ll happen when it feels right. Be it on the first date or the 100th.