Is Age Just a Number in Dating?

Intro by Iona

Age ain’t nothin but a number and a noun ain’t nothing but a thing. Did Aaliyah get it right? When it comes to dating, does age really matter? When I was in my early-mid 20s, 20 was once my age benchmark. Meaning, any guy who was cute and over 20 (I had simple standards) was datable because we were adults by then. Now that I’m a bit older and have a plethora of stories to tell, I’m singing a different tune. I read in a recent study that the average man matures at 42. Yes – you read it right…42! So it’s no surprise that many women looking for a mate would consider someone older. Now I may be presumptuous in inflecting my own assumptions. Here, our panel discusses this debatable topic. You tell us what you think.

1. Does age matter to you?

Jack: Age doesn’t have any impact on my decision to date women and that goes either younger or older. Of course there is a noticeable difference in personality based on age but you cannot dismiss potential partners on something so superficial because of the attached stigma and negative reactions of family and friends. My decision to date a woman or not comes from my attraction toward her both physically and emotionally, If they happen to be a lot younger or older then it matters little to me.

Nick: Age in itself does not matter, but throughout my life  I have typically dated older women. When they have been younger, they have been incredibly mature and experienced for their age. I guess now I am almost 35, anything above 27 is fair game. I just find younger women lacking in life experience. On every level!

Iona: Age does matter to an extent. Often than not age reflects what life stage the person is at and what they want from the relationship. That said though, it comes down to emotional maturity and it’s hard to find in younger guys.

 2. Have you dated a partner younger than you? What age difference is appropriate?

Jack: Most of the women I have dated have all been younger which I suppose is the norm. I don’t think that it matters if the woman is much younger. A person’s life experiences make a huge difference to their maturity so you can have women who are 20 much more established than those in their 30’s. For the most part though when a gal is about 25 she normally has an idea of where she wants to be and who with so this is probable the minimum age I’d expect a long term relationship to have a higher chance of success.

Nick:I have dated a few women younger than myself, with the youngest being 22 (when I was 33). It only lasted a short period of time and while she was a wonderful woman, there wasn’t the depth of life experience. Other than that, the youngest has been 6 years my junior which was this year.

What age difference is appropriate?! I personally think everyone is different in who they are and their stages of life. If it is an equitable and rewarding relationship (in whatever context it is), who cares what the age difference is. There is an old concept of half your age + 7 makes for a dateable woman. It is probably a little off for me personally, but it does keep things legal.

Iona: I don’t think the your age+7 idea works for me. I can’t see myself dating someone in their early 20s just because our lifestyle would be so different. He’d probably be cramming for exams whilst I go on and on about my 9-5 job. As my colleague puts it, it’s all about context. If I met a 23 year old guy who had been working for a few years (not sure how that would work) and a lot of life experience, perhaps I’d feel differently.

When it comes to a suitable dating bracket, the youngest I’d probably date is someone 2 years younger than me and 10-12 years older than me. Again, it’s about emotional maturity.

3. Have you dated someone older than you? What was that like?

Jack: I once dated a woman who was 10 years my senior and it was a great experience. She was cultured, intelligent and confident and was very attractive because of it. In the end it didn’t work out because she wanted more than I was prepared to give back then, a scenario that often plays out when women want to be married with kids and their younger partners aren’t yet ready.

Nick: Absolutely and for most of my dating life! Provided the woman was (relatively) free of baggage, it was fantastic. ‘Older’ women have life experience, maturity, a greater understanding of who they are, what they want and where they’re going. The sex is generally far more rewarding and out there too!

Iona: Yes- it was great!  He worked in the same industry as I did and had so much experience and confidence. Older men tend to have more experience in dating so it’s very likely that they’ll know how to treat you like  a lady. In the end, the chemistry wasn’t there and it fizzled out but I learned so much from him.

4. Maturity is a big topic when it comes to age. What are some tell-tale signs of maturity?

Jack: A person who has their life under control. This means they have stability in their occupation, finances, home, relationships and lifestyle. Nowadays I only date women who have these aspects of their lives sorted… which means I rarely date at all! My time is precious to me so I find it a waste to spend it with people who do not share my values.

Nick: Interesting question! Someone that is comfortable in their own skin, with minimal hang-ups. Someone that has positive, experienced based advice. Someone that isn’t as judgmental or close minded.

Iona: I agree with Jack and Nick on this one. It’s someone who is confident and comfortable with who they are. Most importantly, they know exactly what they want.

5. Do you think there’s less stigma for a guy to date a younger women?

Jack:  Definitely. Women are generally more mature than men so look to older guys because they are on the same level and in some cases can provide a more secure, promising future. We date younger women because is just so happens that there are more on the market and have less complications attached i.e kids, ex-husbands. This isn’t a new stigma though and has always existed. Nowadays it is more socially accepted but the stigma will never disappear because it’ll always be a relationship outside of the norm.

Nick: Absolutely, but I have an open perspective and believe you can do anything (or anyone) you want as long as no one is getting hurt. I believe the ’Cougar’ concept has certainly gained more of an acceptance over the last few years. I personally believe if all men dated older women, we would have much better men in this world.

Iona: Yes but only where there is a huge age gap. i.e. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. If you’re only a few (under 5) years apart, it really is no big deal.