The Art of Letting Go – Moving On From A Breakup in Your 30s
Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating.…
When I was younger, letting go and moving on meant taking down old pictures and presents from my ex-boyfriends, putting them in a shoe box and shoving it into the hands of my best friend whom I’m pretty sure has accumulated quite a few during our 20 year friendship. As I got older though, break ups got harder either for me or my then boyfriends. Blame it on more emotions, more responsibility and lives being interwined together, breakups leave more emotional baggage, especially in your late 20s and early 30s.
I write this because last week I came to a revelation. I was telling a new friend the story of how I met my flat mate and realised I didn’t tell the whole back story behind it, the break up that spawned into my situation at the time. It was then I realised I had moved on.
Up until 2 months ago, I was having recurring dreams where my ex and I would try to resolve our issues. Though he didn’t cross my mind in the day-to-day, he managed to creep into my dreams. It must have been my sub conscious because physically and mentally I had closed that door of my life and was happy where I was. Deep down, I never let it go…and I didn’t even know it.
I’ve had several emails from readers recently, readers who are single and going through a break up in their 30s asking us how to move on from a break up. There’s no ‘method’, no headline like ‘5 Ways to Get Over Your Ex’ but here’s some hard earned knowledge that might help. Moving on from a breakup in your 30s, 20s, in your teens is tough…we know.
Don’t Try So Hard
If you’re anything like me, post break up, I just want to shut the door and get on with it. I don’t wallow in what could have been, I’ve never made any attempts to get back with an ex. I almost put pressure on myself to be ‘ok’ within a short time frame – all unrealistic expectations. I think the trick to moving on is to process all the emotions and be patient with the recovery.
Just Do Your Own Thing
If this year has taught me anything, it’s to do your own thing. What I mean is, create the life you want instead of waiting for the next guy/girl to fill a void. I think it was Diane Von Furstenberg who said the most important relationship you can have is with yourself. This may sound corny but I honestly believe you attract great people and opportunities when you are happy on your own.
Understand the Bigger Picture
All wounds take time to heal. There are no miracle workers here, no rebound that will help you do it. The big picture is that it’s only a fraction of time in your life. You’ll move on to a new chapter soon enough.
And this is for everyone going through a break up right now- it may not feel like it but eventually, you’ll move on and let it go. Because it’s when you truly let it go and free yourself that good things will just flow into your life.
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Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.