There Are Plenty of Fish In The Sea

I have something REALLY exciting to share with you. It’s not fish as the title suggests but it’s a snippet of a book we’ll be launching here on 30everafter. And it’s written by Mark, who regularly offers funny yet honest insights to what men really think. From getting the girl to dating to the dreaded friend zone, he covers it all with hilarious, true to life anecdotes. Here’s a sneak peek, just for you. Let us know what you think. Note: For those who aren’t good with numbers, hang in there and read all the way through because Mark does make a point out of them at the end.

How Many Fish are Really in the Sea? There Are Plenty of Fish In The Sea…

By Mark

I think we’re all familiar with the saying “There’s plenty of fish in the sea”. I hope you realize that this saying has nothing to do with fishermen (although it technically can, since women always love seamen). Instead, this is what my buddies tell me when a girl rejects me:

Me: So she finally signed that restraining order

Buddy: Ah…there’s plenty offish in the sea

Me: So she finally tattooed “I don’t love YOU anymore, Mark” on her forehead

Buddy: Ah… there’s plenty offish in the sea

I actually read somewhere that if the world’s population is at 6.8 billion, and we assume that 50% of the population are females, then there’s about 3.4 billion girls out there for me. So the rationale is as follows: “There’s plenty offish in the sea, specifically 3.4 billion girls for me” I started thinking about this.

One night, I said: “Are there really 3.4 billion girls for me? ” I wanted to know so I decided to find out using some deductive thinking.

1. If there are 6.8 billion people in the world, we will assume 50% are female = 3.4 billion girls for me

2. Within this 3.4 billion, we’ll assume that 25% are under the age of 18 therefore I am not legally allowed near them (underaged = Prison term) (19+ = let’s take you to McDonald’s!) = 3.4 billion x 25% = 850,000,000 = 3.4 billion-850,000,000 = 2 550 000 000 girls for me.

3. Within the 2.55 billion, we’ll assume that 55% are 40+ years old (arbitrary age – if the girl is still hot at 40, then why not?) I chose 55% since statistics show that people are living longer and we have this upside pyramid in terms of age patterns so I’m assuming that more than half of people are 40+ years old. = 2.55 billion x 55% = 1 402 500 000 = 2.55 billion – 1 402 500 000 = 1 147 500 000 girls for me.

4. Within the 1.147 billion plus, we’ll say that 40% of the girls are married and intend to stay married (it just takes too much effort to sneak around behind the husband’s back I’m sick of hiding under the bed): = 1 147 500 000 x 40% = 459 000 000 = 1 147 500 000 – 405 000 000 = 688 500 000 girls for me.

5. Within the 688 500 000, we’ll assume that 40% are co-habitating/engaged to their soul mates and have no intention of leaving. = 688 500 000 x 40% = 688 500 000 – 275 400 000 = 413 100 000 girls for me

6. Within the 413 100 000, we’ll assume that 15% of girls are only interested in girls = 413 100 000 x 15% = 413 100 000-61 965 000 = 351 135 000 girls for me

7. Within the 351 135 000, we’ll say that 5% are into hard drugs and Satan Worship (Yeah, I know that I shouldn’t judge but I don’t want to wake up one day tied up and sacrificed to the Dark Prince) = 351 135 000×5% = 351 135 000- 17 556 750 = 333 578 250 girls for me

8.Within the 333 578 250, we’ll say that 15% are obsessed with marrying someone.. .anyone.. .as long as the guy breathes and can wiggle his fingers. = 333 578 250 x 15% = 333 578 250-50 036 737 = 283 541 513 girls for me

9. Within the 283 541 513, we’ll say that another 15% of girls don’t know what they want in a relationship thereby pissing me off = 283 541513×15% = 283 541 513-42 531227 = 241 010 286 girls for me

10. Within the 241 010 286, we’ll say that 5% have caught me staring at them on the subway/mall thereby eliminating any chances I have of ever going out with them: =241 010 286×5% =241 010 286-12 050 514 = 228 959 772 girls for me.

11. Within the 228 959 772, 40% of these girls fought immaturity.. .and immaturity won. = 228 959 772 x 40% = 228 959 772 – 96 404 114 = 144 606 172 girls for me

12. Within the 144 606 172, we’ll say a good 90% of girls like to play hard-to-get and expect me to chase them only to find out that she’s the only one playing this silly game of hide and seek. I told you guys are lazy. = 144 606 172×90% = 144 606 172-130 145 555 = 14 460 617 girls for me.

There you have it. After a rigorous, scientific analysis (that included jotting down numbers on the back of a napkin), it appears that when people say ‘Plenty of Fish’, they really mean about 14 million girls. So, if I plan to get married by let’s say…35, then I have about 9 years to meet 14 million girls. So, I have to try and meet 1.5 million girls per year. If I can give up sleeping and meaningful employment, then this might be possible. At the same time, I can learn sign language so that I can literally talk to multiple girls at the same time. I can verbally say one thing to one, while I furiously sign to another. The bottom line is clear: there’s a lot offish in the ocean. The stories that follow are about 12 of those fish.