A Letter to My Single Self

This one is for the young and young at heart. It’s for the smart, beautiful women wondering when they are going to meet someone who loves them for just who they are. Sometimes when you’ve been single weeks, months, years, it can feel like you’ve been alone for a lifetime. I get it. I’ve been on both sides and can understand how frustrating it can be to date, to jump from one relationship to another and to always be the single girl at every wedding or family gathering.

If I were to give my single self some advice, this would be it:

1. Appreciate the Present

When you’re worried about what may or may not come, you’re thinking months ahead. I can tell you that meeting the love of your life will be icing on the cake. You may feel alone but I bet there are other aspects of your life that are great. Enjoy them because you never know when you’re get the chance to again. When I was single and looking for a new bed frame, I bought myself a very girly one. I said to my then flatmate Sam that this would be the last time I’d be able to buy such a feminine bed. The next one – I’d share with my partner. I hadn’t met him yet but I’m so glad I took advantage of that opportunity – even though it was a small one. I’m not telling you to buy a bed but – enjoy the little things in the present and think of your relationships as a journey.

2. Don’t Let Other People’s Fears Dictate Yours

I was recently in a position where I was in between jobs. I had lined one up but there was an indefinite wait for me to start. This didn’t concern me one bit, I enjoyed three weeks off. It meant I had time to blog and create content – something that I love to do. What surprised me though was the number of people who were concerned about my financial status. I had friends and family who were more anxious about my temporary employment status than I was. It could have easily made me wonder if I did have something to fear but I didn’t let their fears control mine. The same goes for relationships. Now that I’m in my 30s, my boyfriend and I have been told numerous times by family and friends that we should start having babies before it’s too late. They tell us of the stories and research about egg quality and sperm count – they are more concerned about my fertility than I am. But I don’t let their fears project on to me. Time isn’t running out, many have babies later on in life.

3. Focus On What You Want, Not What You Don’t Want

When you feel like you’re missing something, it’s easy to focus on the things you fear, the things you don’t want. So if you’ve been single for awhile, you’re probably thinking you’re missing someone special in your life or that you don’t want to just ‘settle’. I’m going to sound like a broken record but I do believe that your thoughts create your reality. So if your thoughts are in a place of lack, that is what you will attract. Next time you catch yourself feeling like you’re missing something, turn those thoughts into abundance instead.

Tip: Make a list you ‘feel’ you’re missing in a partner. Now think about that list and see who else fulfils the things you’re looking for in a partner. The universe is always in balance. You are never ‘missing’ anything – it’s just there in another form. I talk about this in the products I’m launching this year.

I know it’s a bit much to take in and you may have doubts as to whether this will work but I’ve been there and understand what it feels like to always be the single girl who has all the dating horror stories, to turn up single again to family events, to be the only unmarried one in the family. If you turn your thoughts around, you can change your reality.