WHEN YOU’RE KNOWN AS THE GIRL HE BROKE UP WITH
Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating.…
It’s a situation everyone dreads, the moment when you bump into an ex’s friends; the same people who used to be in your social circle but are now strangers. I’d been waiting years for me to bump into my ex’s friends but it did’t quite happen for me…not exactly. I was at a networking luncheon when the guy who sat beside me casually mentioned where he worked. When I heard which agency he worked for, I knew he’d know my ex. And so when he asked me who I knew there and how I knew him, I told him. I wasn’t expecting the response to be so…honest: “Oh…so you are the one he broke up with”. Surprised by his reaction, I couldn’t help but chuckle. It turns out they were desk buddies and he’d probably overheard every detail of our relationship – the good, bad and pretty ugly towards the end.
It was out in the open that I was the dump-ee but part of me also wondered what kind of picture he’d painted of me – was I the girl everyone felt sorry for or the crazy ex girlfriend who’d call him at work when he was working all kinds of crazy hours…again? Truth is, I will never know nor do I really care to find out. Because in the end, only he and I will really understand what went down. Bumping into someone who came as collateral in your breakup can be a tricky one to navigate, but if you go about with a little grace, you’ll never have any regrets. Here’s what to do if you bump into your ex’s friends.
Watch Your Words
What you say about other people says more about yourself than those you speak of. When my ex broke up with me, all my friends constantly told me what an a-hole he was and though I was tempted to join in on the ex bashing, I knew that it was much easier to forgive than to hold a grudge. I say this all the time. What people do to you is one thing, how you react from it is another. How you react says a lot about yourself. Don’t say something you’ll regret later.
Don’t Talk About the Break Up
You’re not going to be Bffs with your ex’s friends, keep the conversation short. If you bump into them on the street, don’t stop. Wave as you walk by. Of course, if you had a deeper relationship – do stop but keep the conversation light. You both know about the break up, there’s little point in bringing it up.
Remember the Good
My parents are divorced and for a long time, my mom was angry with my dad. As a kid, I had no idea why or how she could hold her anger for so long. After all, hadn’t they been married for 10+ years? Surely at some point she loved him. It may be hard to find that place of love after a breakup and it can also be extra hard when his friends tell you he’s moved on with someone else but remembering the good can out shadow the bad. Have gratitude for the time you had. It’s all part of the journey to a bigger love. I’ve honestly never been happier and if I had to go through that break up (and all the complications that came with it), I’d do it again.
If you can relate or have had something similar happen to you, I’d love to know. Drop me a note at 30everafter (@) gmail.com
Image via Dahiana Candelo
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Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.