A few weeks ago I filmed a video with Canna Campbell from Sugarmama.tv. We talked about the similarities between money and dating mindset. If you know me, you’ll know that how I do one thing in life is how I do everything else in life. And since I’m such a strong advocate for having a healthy dating mindset, I’m also a believer that you need a good money mindset to gain financial wealth. I’ll save money mindset for another post (coming out very soon) but in the meanwhile, I’ve come up with 7 reasons why mindset matters,
7. It sets you up for success
Before you even start dating you need to go in with the right mindset about men and relationships. If you go in thinking all men are commitment-phobes or heartbreakers you’ll set yourself up to fail. When you’re going into a first date thinking that it won’t work out, your mind will fixate on finding references/evidence that it won’t work out. It’s called confirmation bias.
6. It helps you actively decide what kind of relationship you really need
Most people just operate on auto-pilot. We date whoever comes along, not who’s actually right for us. But when you take the time to look inward, when you date with the confidence of knowing that it’ll all work out in the end, you’ll find your relationships will change. You learn to set expectations and boundaries that have you attracting the right guy. Stop settling for mediocre and watch your love life change.
5. It helps you through the highs and lows
Dating will have its setbacks but it’s not what happens to you but how you react to it. Mindset helps you manage your emotions when a relationship hasn’t worked out or when you haven’t heard from a guy you really like. It helps you see each set back as a learning opportunity to grow. It helps you see that you’re one step closer to meeting your ‘one’/
4. It helps you look at relationships from a fresh perspective
You can’t do the same thing again and again and expect the same results. Mindset shifts the way you define relationships. For example, some people who are used to seeing conflict in a relationship tend to gravitate towards them because it what they know is true. It’s their perception of reality, not the truth. Mindset work helps you create a reality that attracts healthy relationships. It helps you redefine what ‘healthy’ means to you.
3. It shapes your reality
Your thoughts and words create your world. Mindset work makes you really aware of the relationship you want to create, it makes you aware of the reality you’ve created based on the words and thoughts you’re currently using. Every time we describe our dating life or relationships, we are shaping our reality of it. So every time someone asks if you’re still single and dating, you should actively choose the words you use.
2. It takes away dating anxiety
A lot of women I work with are in the late 20s and 30s. When you’re single later in life, it’s easy to feel anxious about finding someone when everyone is taken, especially if you’re going to a special event and everyone is paired up. Mindset work helps to tame the anxiety so you don’t feel like you’re running out of time.
1. It helps you see that you’re enough
A big problem I’m seeing is that most people who have issues in relationships just don’t think they’re enough. Whether it’s because they need to lose 5kgs to move out of home, they have a whole bunch of reasons as to why they don’t deserve the relationship they want. Mindset exercises help you see otherwise, they help you see you ARE enough. The references that say you’re enough are often there, you just need to find them.
You’ve learned to define relationships from a young age. It’s taken years to build your beliefs about relationships, you can’t turn it off overnight. Setbacks in mindset don’t mean you’ve failed. In fact, you cannot fail if you don’t stop trying. Building a healthy mindset takes time, it’s like building muscles at the gym. It takes discipline, commitment and the belief that it’ll work for you. But if you can nail this, you can apply it into other areas of your life.
Iona Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.
