Hey, welcome back to the channel. So today we’re talking about toxic friendships.
Because the reality is not everyone who comes into your life is going to be your friend for life. Some friends are really good for certain times in your life, and they stay for seasons, and they leave and that’s okay. But there are some friendships where just that kind of linger and you don’t realize how toxic they are until you’re out of them, or you get another perspective.
So, if you suspect that you’re in a toxic friendship, keep watching because here are some signs.
#1 – You’re always at fault.
Relationships and friendships are a two-way street, chances are if you’re a friend, you would have F’ed up at one point or another, and apologize and move on. Because that’s what friends do. They F up, they apologize, and they’re forgiven. And it’s reciprocal, right?
But if you’re feeling like that this friend of yours is always making you feel like it’s your fault and they don’t own up to anything that they’ve done, then it’s probably a sign. So if you constantly feel like you’re failing them as a friend and they’re making you feel that way, even though you’ve repeatedly apologized, then that could be a red flag. But, toxic friendships also come with other signals, so keep watching.
#2 – You always come out exhausted.
So, I know you know what I’m talking about. You meet up with those friends and you just leave, feeling so exhausted. These are emotional vampires, these are friends who meet up with you, only to dump their problems on you for an hour, and not even ask you how you’ve been, or if you try to share your problem, they kind of steer back to their problem, okay? They emotionally dump on you and leave you feeling exhausted.
Good friendships, healthy friendships should leave you energized most of the time. It’s okay to listen to friends if they’re going through a breakup or just a hard time. But if these people are consistently emotionally dumping on you, they are emotional vampires and it’s a sign that you’re in a toxic friendship.
#3 – It’s always about them, even when it’s about you.
So you could be going through a really rough time and telling a friend, for example, you know, I just had a miscarriage and really upset about it. And this friend then kind of finds a way to turn it about them, and how they had a sister who went through the same thing, and it was really hard on them. Meanwhile you’re talking about your news, it’s fresh. And they’re talking about themselves, they find a way to make it about them.
If you tell them about something nice a friend or a boyfriend has done for you, they’ll kind of chirp in and try to one-up you, or just make you feel like that win or celebration is not as big as you feel it is. So that’s #3, they always make it about them, they always find a way.
#4 – Friendship is a two-way street.
Go look at your texts. Are you always the one making an effort and reaching out for a catch-up? If so, it could be a sign that your friendship is not equal, okay?
So I remember this one incident where I looked at my phone and I could see that I was always the one reaching out. I would get these one-liner texts slotting me in, you know, months, weeks later on as if like you know, this person was too busy for me. Even after I had a baby, I would reach out and work my schedule around them.
So I feel like if you’re always the one to make plans, then it’s not an equal friendship and it could be a sign that you’re in a toxic friendship.
#4 – Your friend is never happy for you.
So you just bought a house; you and your partner have adopted a puppy; you and your long-term boyfriend just got engaged. These are all very happy times and a good friend should be there, cheering you on – maybe they feel a little bit jealous, and we all feel a little bit jealous, right? When our friends have got a promotion or a huge pay rise, but we’re still happy for them as friends.
[Toxic friends] are not happy for you. They act jealous. They don’t want to come to your celebration. They say that’s nice and dismiss it, you know. They don’t celebrate with you. They say, you know, who your true friends are when you’re down, but you also know who your true friends are when you’re up.
So, if these people can’t celebrate your wins with you, chances are they’re not friends who you should be hanging around. And at the end of the day, if a friend doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, it’s time to leave. It’s not easy to do, but it will feel so liberating once that person lets go of you, or you let go of them, and you have space for a healthy relationship. I don’t know about you, but now that I’m in my 40’s, I don’t have time for friendships that just don’t work, and that make me feel like crap, and I’m sure other people feel that way.
So, if you need to let it go, just let it go.
Alright, so, if you enjoyed this video on friendships, leave me a comment.
Have you been through something like this? Have you been in the toxic friendship? I’d love to know. Thanks for watching, bye!
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Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.