There is an article somewhere, if you Google my name, the headline is “I woke up at 4:00 AM in the morning, panicking that I’d be alone. It’s a very embarrassing headline to have, especially when you’re meeting people and they Google you first, and that’s the first thing you see in the search results.
But at a certain point in my life, that really was true. I just woke up at 4:00 o’clock in the morning, just worried about my single status. I was in my 30’s, you know, a lot of my friends were already getting engaged or in long term relationships, and all of a sudden, you know, for a person who’d been in a relationship for 2+ years, I was alone, and all of a sudden, I was falling behind. There is a lot of anxiety that comes with it. The pressure to keep up with your friends, the pressure to then have a baby and try for a baby, and get married and get the guy to propose. It’s a lot of pressure. So today, we’re talking about how to remove some of that anxiety dating in your 30s.
#1 – Have a solo plan.
So what happens, if you really want that family, but you can’t? You just can’t find a guy, or the timing isn’t right. You haven’t met him. Have a backup plan, so that if the end goal is having a family, consider freezing your eggs, consider an egg donor. As soon as you have that backup plan, there is less pressure for you, to pressure other people that you’re dating, who may not be right. Regardless of what happens, you have your own plan, you have your backup plan, so you don’t need to rush other people to come along with your plan.
A lot of feedback that I get, especially from men in their 30’s, is that they feel pressure from dating these 30-somethings, because they know that 30-something women have to move a lot quicker because of their biological clock. So if you remove that pressure off yourself, and off your partner, and off the person you’re dating, then you generally have a good chance of getting to know each other and see if you guys are a right fit.
So whether it’s kids, whether it’s travelling around the world, have a plan, that’s set just for yourself, if you haven’t met that someone by a certain time.
#2 – Look for the right references
When you’re in your 30’s and everyone seems to be coupled up, it’s really easy to look at those references that affirm what you’re thinking. You could say, when you’re looking at someone and say everyone’s coupled up, or you know I’ve met 5 people who’ve dated assholes in the past 6 months. Those are references, but those are bad references, negative references.
So try and look for positive references of people who are, maybe were single a month ago and just met their person on an app randomly. You know, stories of hope, the positive references that will help you reframe your mindset to think that finding someone is very possible for you and you don’t have to wait years, you don’t even have to wait months for it.
#3 – Make new friends
When you are the only single person at a dinner party, it could be so depressing, right? But you are not the only single person out there. So that’s why you need to make other friends. Other single friends who are up for going out on a Saturday night with you, who are up for trying new things, so that they can meet new people. You know, cooking classes, photography classes. They have the free time because they’re not coupled up. Have single friends to do single things with, and you’ll feel less lonely and less left out of things.
#4 – Mindfulness & Mindset
So I’m all about having the dating mindset. In fact, if you don’t have the right dating mindset, you shouldn’t even be out there dating. So, if you want to check your dating mindset to see if you are ready for dating, then I’ve got a dating workbook that you can buy from Amazon. It’s just to check in to see where you’re at, where your mindset’s at, what kind of relationship you’re looking for, really, really help you put a plan in place before you even go out there and waste your time.
So I hope this is helpful for you. If you want more content on dating in your 30’s specifically, let me know and I will be sure to put it in the content calendar. Thanks for watching, bye!
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Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.