Why I Won’t Be Meeting You Online

I get online dating, it’s easy to meet a whole bunch of new people from the comfort of your home whilst dressed in pjs and no make up. It’s almost effortless…except for all the time you have to put into getting to know multiple people only to find there’s no physical chemistry when you actually meet them in person. Here’s why online dating doesn’t work. As always, there are two sides to the coin so in blue are Jack’s thoughts on this.

Jack: Online dating is a numbers game. In one night you can potentially see as many single people that you might meet in a year of regular dating life. You can be shallow and eliminate anybody who doesn’t meet your criteria in a partner without feeling guilty and without hurting anyone’s feelings. Whats not to like?

1. It’s 2-Dimensional

People may look great in photos and you can have a lot of fun witty banter. While it all works onscreen, it may fizzle when you meet in person. It’s hard to know whether the attraction is there based on some 2d photos and text…never mind that his profile photo is about 20 years old. Our attraction for another person isn’t in what they do (unless you are a gold-digger…in that case, skip eharmony altogether and hit up the folks at millionaire matchmaker) it’s pheromones, his/her laugh, voice or the way they smile with their eyes. As a person who pays attention to detail, the little things are big to me.

Jack: You can see attraction from a photo. Their dress sense, hair, eyes and whatever other physical attribute you look for in a partner is all there in a photo. You may not be able to feel the little things that make up chemistry but you can get a pretty good idea if there will be any by reading their profile, sending a few texts or have a chat over the phone. 

2. You Miss Out on Baggage

The object of your online affection is totally hung up on his ex. Oh I wonder why he left that out of his profile. My friend Laura met a late 30 something, a successful entrepreneur. On screen, he was the perfect man for her. Successful, thoughtful, witty and athletic. He literally ticked all her boxes. So to her surprise, she came home from their first date disappointed. When asked what had happened, she said he’d spent the evening talking about his ex…whom he’d lived with for 5 years and shared a child with. Not to mention, he was socially awkward and she had to carry most of the conversation. Now I know online dating is a hit or miss sometimes (much like dating in general) but her experience raised a very good point. Online profiles is a terrific representation of the best ‘you’. What they leave out is all the quirkiness and annoying that you may find attractive or repulsive.

Jack: This is always going to happen sometimes with online dating. One phone call and Laura would have known that this guy wasn’t for her and avoided an evening of awkwardness. Just because online dating starts on a computer doesn’t mean you shouldn’t chat on the phone a few times to get to know the person enough to warrant a date in person. I have a story too. My friend Nick went on his first ever online date a couple of years ago, fell instantly in love, and now they are married and have a beautiful baby girl… 

3. Because It Takes Away Your Courage

You might be thinking: It’s hard for me to meet new people. I’m shy. I’d much rather snack on cake (just kidding…maybe). That is how online dating will change you. My friend Annie is obsessed with Tinder and her eharmony profile…so much so that if she doesn’t have an online date lined up on Saturday night, she will stay home and look for a date online for the following week. Because it’s so easy for her to meet people online, she now has very little courage or motivation to meet and chat men up in person. Ditto for the guys who are checking you out at a bar and not approaching you because they’ll just assume they can find you on Tinder instead.

This isn’t a post against online dating. I understand why people love it. You get to meet people you wouldn’t typically encounter. If you do decide to go online, then meet them in the early stages (in a safe, public place please). Don’t wait. Months of messages can go back and forth before you meet and find out there’s no spark there. If you prefer to date the traditional way then know there are single people out there for you to meet. Pick up a social hobby you have a genuine interest in and take it from there.

Jack: Why would anyone date the old fashioned way? You can see every detail about a persons life on a list, know that they are single and will even send you a msg saying they are interested in getting to know you…

It doesn’t have to be one or the other either. It is an aid for people who lead busy lives and need more exposure to other single people because their job or social lives don’t allow for it.