3 Ways Technology Has Changed The Way We Date And Relate

As I work in PR and Comms by day, I’m fascinated by the gazillion ways we can communicate with each other. When ICQ launched in the late 90s, I recall thinking it was SO cool that we could communicate with more than one person in an instant – all the time. What was new is now a norm and in addition to keeping in touch with friends and family, we can now received texts, emails, tweets, Tinder messages from brands, acquaintances and strangers. All this is shifting the way we relate and date.

3 ways technology has changed the way we date.

First Impressions

Did you know that Tinder saw a 400% day over day increase in new members since Olympics opened? I initially thought it was due to people wanting the best of both worlds: watching elite athletes compete and scoring a date from the couch. What surprised me was that the influx of Tinder newbies were athletes, or some combination of athletes, fans and volunteers using the matchmaking app to make new friends. This is an elite group of people, the best of the best in sport confined in a village and they are using the app to make their first impression online. You can call it a convenient way to meet many people at the same time but it also lacks the authenticity of an organic meeting where it takes you more than 3 seconds, a swipe to the left or right to see if you’re into the person. With technology, your picture, your profile, your opening headline… are being judged before you even meet the person. It really isn’t so different from your first meeting in person but more and more, online impressions count.

Less Talk, More Text

When I met my first boyfriend at 16, we talked on the phone every single day for hours…about nothing and everything. Everyone had pagers back then so in the absence of voicemail, he’d leave a code on my pager and I’d call him back. I much prefer to spend time getting to know someone in person now however, what I’ve noted is that  90% conversations…whether the trivial or practical kind is all done via text. This I don’t have an issue with. It’s when people choose to discuss issues that can easily be misinterpreted over text that irks me. Countless times I have been the receiver of awkward text conversations that have led to arguments that could have been avoided had I just picked up the phone. There’ve also been times where friends have done the whole “where is this going” talk – all over text. I understand the convenience of texting but there is a time and place and in the context of relationship and sensitive issues, texting is NOT the channel. It’s sort of like riding a rickshaw in the middle of the freeway – it’ll get you from a to b but in the most inefficient way.

Ditch the Liquid Courage with SMS

I’m not sure why we’ve become so averse to phone conversations but one thing SMSs have given us is courage. Perhaps SMSs give us a false sense of security, a softer blow if we get rejected, room for vagueness of our intentions. Over text, we don’t see immediate repercussions of our texts. Either way, the last time someone asked me out on a proper date in person or over the phone was October 2013 – 5 months ago. All other dates eventuated over texts and more texts. It’s changing the way we date: “It’s easier to ask women out over SMS. I don’t want to call incase she’s in the middle of something. And, if I get rejected at least I’ll have time to react to it. With texts, I can take a few hours before I get back to her”, says Tom. Tom raises a good point here. Being able to script texts is also changing the nature of relationships. There’ve been so many times where I’ve had full conversations forwarded to me followed by a ‘What should I say to him?” text. This way of indirect communication is turning one-on-one conversations into inadvertant group texts.

So where does all this texting leave us? Hopefully with these texting etiquette tips in mind:

1. Any awkward conversations about the relationship itself needs to be had over the phone or in person i.e. if you’re breaking up with them, chats about where this relationship is going, the first I love You.

2.. Don’t wait hours to reply to a text. You don’t want to seem too eager but you don’t want her/him to think you’re not interested.

3. Texts are a short cut to communicate but that doesn’t mean grammar and spelling should be dismissed. So txting like dis should b avoided.

4. Text msgs shouldn’t be longer than the screen of you phone.

5. There’s no tone of voice in text so if you don’t know the person well, avoid sarcasm or make use of a smiley face emoticon.

Got any more tips? Call me and tell me about it. x

Photo Credit: Ajehals