What The Friend Zone Means to Him

What friend zone looks like, as quoted from The Fault is Our Stars:

Mom: Aww…you guys are so adorable.

Her: We are just friends.

Him: She is. I’m not.

As women, this probably sounds all too familiar. I’m sure at some point you’ve put that ‘nice guy’ you’re not attracted into this category to maintain a platonic relationship but what if you’re the one being friend zoned? We asked our guy panel to help us answer some questions.

1. When does a guy decide they want to friend zone a girl?

Mike: I would think that guys “friend zone” a girl straight off the bat or within 5 minutes of their first conversation. Everything else develops after this point.

The other way to look at it is if “friend zone” is a stage AFTER an attempt is made to develop a relationship and the guy rejects it thus “friend zoning” the girl – in which case, right after such attempts.

Mark: I used to not think that guys and girls can just be friends but now that I’m older I see the errors of my ways. A guy FRIENDZONES a girl when: 

– there’s something she has that he thinks is a deal breaker for marriage but she’s cool. (Like being too short or having a tattoo of the anarchy symbol on her face)

– he wants to use her for something (she’s ugly but she’s rich and has connections) the reason is if she likes him and he doesn’t reciprocate then she’ll leave and he’s fucked re his connections. 

– he’s sick of sleeping with her but wants to keep her around just in case he wants some random sex. Personally I friendzone girls when I know my chances look bleak but I know she has hot friends. 

Peter: At the point where they realise they’re not attracted – emotionally or physically – to the girl, but they know they enjoy the girl’s company and still want to spend time with them platonically.

2. What does he do to make sure she knows she is in the friend zone?

Mike: If anything, it would be a constant verbal reminder of how “awesome their friendship is” or how they could never date each other.

Mark: He picks up girls in front of her or makes her meet his current girls so she can assess them. He sets her up with his friends.

Peter: Most of the time it happens organically, occasionally you need to be more blunt. It’s one of those cases where words speak louder than actions: tell her how you feel, there’s no need to act like a jerk.

3. Is it easier for a girl to get out of friend zone then a guy?

Mike: I don’t think so. I think we’re always open to that chance for something to happen with a friend, but at the same time, if their mind is made up, its made up. I don’t think trying to convince the other that it might work is a good way to start a relationship.

Mark: Probably easier for a girl to get out but just remember that you weren’t his first choice. Enjoy your silver medal.

Peter: I don’t think so. It’s probably easier for a girl to get a guy’s attention sexually, but if he’s not interested in a relationship the long term outcome will be similar: “I like you as a friend…. but now there’s added benefits”.

2. What does he do to make sure she knows she is in the friend zone?

Mike: Make a move and see what happens?

Mark: I don’t know. I’ve never let any out of the pit.

Peter: I’m not sure if that’s something positive to aim for.  Listen to what he has said and really consider if you want to try and flex around what he wants.  If he thinks you’re not compatible, do you really want to change to suit what he’s looking for? If he’s not physically attracted, do you change your appearance in the hopes of ‘winning him over’? Be yourself, if it’s meant to work out with him, it will.

5. Do you have more guy friends than girlfriends and why?

Mike: I have a similar amount of both. Everyone comes and goes at different points and connect on different levels. I will say that my closest friends are guys and that has just been how things panned out throughout growing up.

Mark: More girlfriends because I don’t want to sleep with guys.

Peter: No, I definitely have more girl friends.  I work in an industry dominated by guys, and sometimes you prefer to hear the thoughts of someone who doesn’t think pretty similarly to you.  Besides, my girl friends are prettier, which is always nice.  Oh and they tend to be more understanding of my love for Katy Perry.

Photo Credit: Nick Page