What It Means When He Wants A Break

Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating.…

Whether it’s to re-evaluate a relationship, to keep the relationship ‘fresh’ or to date other people with a ‘safety net’, pushing the pause button on relationships can just as tricky as navigating things like the friend zone. What it means to guys and girls is just as confusing. As always, Mark tells us what it means when he wants a break.

When I was young, I was really into watching wrestling. One of my favourite wrestlers of all time was a guy named Brett “The Hitman” Hart. Brett was famous for his finishing move, “The Sharpshooter” which is this:

“I didn’t hear you, you said you wanted to take a break?”

Whenever Brett got his opponents in the Sharpshooter, the match was pretty much over. THERE IS NO WAY TO ESCAPE THE SHARPSHOOTER – your fate is pretty much sealed at this point.

Lately, I’ve been playing quite an active role as an emotional punching bag/Jojo the Psychic for my girl friends and their man troubles. For some reason, girls like talking to me about their man troubles. I think it has something to do with my cynical outlook in life and my ability to tell by a mile that someone’s boyfriend is cheating on them. The sad part is: I’m always right.

Recently, I had a conversation with my friend about the concept of “Taking a break“. This concept varies so widely between boys and girls that I feel that I need to address it. Here it is: When a guy tells you that he needs to “take a break from you” to “think about things”, he’s pretty much putting the sharpshooter on you. This is just the minor step before the inevitable tap out of your relationship. In other words: YOU’RE FUCKED.

So, the question is; why wouldn’t a guy just straight out break up with a girl? Why does he need to drag on this pathetic display of sham ballet? The reason is because he doesn’t want to come off as the bad guy in the relationship. He’s already thinking about how it would look to other people and other girls so by asking to “take time off”, it looks like he went on a vision quest in the woods and agonized within himself as to what the answer to your relationship paradox might be. I also believe a wise eagle came to him in his dreams.

Taking time means “a lot of soul searching” which is what he thinks is the way to go, It’s actually a brilliant move – say you want to break up with your loved one. You know she’s still totally into you but you just don’t like her anymore but you can’t say that so you say “I think we should take time to think about things. I need time by myself”. You’ve pretty much backed the other person in a corner. For her, she has two choices: If she says “No, you don’t get time to think about things” – then she looks like a controlling bitch and that gives the guy more justification for breaking up with her. Therefore, she has to say “Yes, I respect you so please take your time and make the right decision”. By allowing this, she’s pretty much automatically enrolled in the whole thing – technically, both parties are “taking time apart”. It’s like a basketball game – when one team calls timeout, both teams are on timeout.

Here’s the tricky part: the definition of “taking a break” is not clear and very different between guys and girls. For girls, “taking a break” means a breather from the relationship. She’ll spend her time hanging out with her girlfriends, eating dinner at over priced restaurants chatting about her situation over cheap sangria and shitty sushi with her girlfriends. Then, they might go to a grungy, god forsaken bar her girlfriend “once went to and saw a cute guy” – they’ll dance in a circle the entire night, holding the same long island iced tea, until she gets depressed from constantly thinking of her boyfriend and she has to go home. sigh.

For guys, “being on a break” means going out with his buddies to paint the town red. He’s gonna call out those girls he made sure to keep in touch with even when he’s in a relationship “just in case” –> this is exactly one of those “just in case” moments. Being “on a break” also means that if a girl asks if he has a girlfriend, he can answer “no” guilt free. If he’s smart, he’ll say “I’m not involved with anyone at the moment” For guys, “taking a break” means answering those lingering questions like: I always suspected that cute girl in accounting liked me – let’s call her out and see if that’s true. It’s a time for exploration and experimentation. The best thing is that it doesn’t count against your record.

At this point, the odds are that you guys are not getting back together. Time to break out those Taylor Swift CDs. The reason is this: I whole heartedly believe that similar to gambling, guys have “beginner’s luck” when it comes to girls. You take your buddy out who hasn’t gone out for a while and he’s a hit with the ladies. I swear to God its pheromones – girls can smell another girl’s smell on him and instantly covets him…but, that stuff wears off. This guy goes clubbing after years of being in a relationship and he meets a few girls. The novelty of being wanted is too much for him and he gets delusions of grandeur – that he can live that playboy lifestyle he’s always wanted. He goes back to his girlfriend and tells her some crap about self-growth and development like “I need to be happy” (or the classic “I need to find myself) despite the fact that he’s over 30. If a guy ever tells you this, he’s pretty much a loser in life. Tell him to pack his shit and join a Contiki tour.

The other option is for him to go back to you – he “took a break” looked around and decided that other chicks are not as good as you. Now he’s cutting back in line saying “thanks for holding a spot for me”. It should never get to this stage of the relationship – the moment a guy casts doubt on the relationship and suggests taking a break – you need to give him an ultimatum: he better walk out that door with his stupid guitar and never come back or man up and never brings that shit up again. The moment you entertain (or god forbid) allow the idea of “taking a break”, you’re in the sharpshooter. If it’s not the end of the relationship, its’ the end of the mutual respect you guys once had. 9/10 times, he’s gonna go out, sleep with some chick he met on tinder and come back to you. He just got away with it and won’t mind pulling that trick again once in a while.

It’s funny all the things I’ve learned watching wrestling.