How to Have Casual Relationships
“Guys aren’t programmed like girls” – I’ve heard many of my guy friends say this and think this is especially true when it comes to keeping relationships casual. In my 30 something years of existence, I’ve yet to find more than a handful of women who can hold a casual relationship without wanting something more. My guy friends agree. When one person wants more in a relationship than the other, there’s often never a happy ending. And so here, we’ve asked Mark for some advice on how to have casual relationships – to keep your sanity in check.
Us: So Mark, have you every had casual relationships before?
Mark: I’ve had but they’ve never lasted long. Someone always freaks out, it’s usually the girls.
Us: If you wanted a casual thing, what would your approach be?
Mark: You don’t really spell it out for the girl because it would make her feel like a slut.
You kind of just sleep together and don’t talk about it. If she wants a relationship, she might give you the talk. If she’s into the casual thing, she won’t bring it up.
Us: But how would she know you want a casual fling?
Mark: You don’t do too many romantic things. Have dinner, go back and have sex and then leave. The first rule of fight club is – Don’t Talk About Fight Club so don’t say affectionate things, don’t talk about where things are going, it never ends well.
Us: Should we talk about the fact that it’s casual?
Mark: Hell no – that would degrade her.
Us: Okay got it. But how long does a casual thing last for?
Mark: Usually after 3 dates, that’s from my experience.
Us: Just so we are clear, guys should be crystal clear with their intentions..like not blurring the lines with doing relationship type stuff. Is that right?
Mark: It’s through their actions, not words. Verbalising it does nothing.
Us: Any other words of advice?
Mark: Hmm….it’s never a happy ending.
Quick guide to casual relationships:
If you are a man
- Limit the relationship to sex and only that. Don’t go on dinner dates. Don’t sleep over. Don’t call/text her just to chat. You don’t want to do anything a boyfriend would do.
- If she asks you where this is going, tell the truth. Don’t give her a vague answer because it might get misinterpreted. i.e. You tell her you’re really busy to have a girlfriend and she holds out waiting for your ‘busy’ phase to be over so she can be your girlfriend.
- Limit communication. You don’t need to see/speak to her daily. That’s the nature of casual relationships, there are no strings attached.
If you are a woman
- Don’t over analyse the situation. If he says he doesn’t want anything serious. Believe him. Don’t anticipate he’ll change his mind. You can cross the bridge if you ever get there.
- Don’t close the door on other prospects. You’re in a casual relationship, which means you’re still single and available until you discuss exclusivity.
- Manage your expectations. He is not your boyfriend so don’t treat him like one.
Best of luck!
Photo Credit: Chiarashine
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