You are 30 and Single. Should You Worry?

A friend recently inspired me to get a little personal on this blog. He said he appreciated my relaxed attitude on relationships and settling down – that I should share it with others who may be panicking about their relationship status. So you are 30 and single. Should you worry?

My best friend just had a baby and my anti-marriage, eternally single friend just got engaged. Oh and this afternoon my mom rang and told me my cousin was expecting his first child. We’re a month apart in age. So naturally, you’d assume I’d be panicking that I wasn’t married and with child yet. If you’re a chick in her late 20s/early 30s and you’re not married, you automatically get the sympathy of all friends and family members who assure you that ‘he’s out there’. 

And you know what? He is. Ironically you just have to stop looking for him. When I got out of my long term relationship, I was unemployed and without a home. The first concern I uttered to my parents was how I’d have to start dating and find someone new…that I’d have to start from scratch. Nevermind that I now had visa issues and was without a job and home. My newly single status was my first concern. My parents both chuckled amidst all my crying and simply told me life was so much more than a boyfriend. I didn’t get any of it till earlier this year. 

Up until then, I was a serial dater. First dates were almost a weekly routine and it was exhausting. I’d see Facebook statuses go from Single to Married then to Divorce before I could even change mine to ‘In a Relationship’. Did I worry that I’d never ‘settle’ down? Of course. Guys do too, they’re just not as vocal about it. 

Fast forward 6 months, on a random night I decided I’d just stop looking. Dates in my calendar were replaced with seeing friends, dancing and yoga – that’s when I got my sparkle back. I went to a wedding a few months ago and friends I’d seen the year before told me I was glowing – that I’d seem really happy. I was thrilled when they asked me if I’d met anyone because at the time – there wasn’t anyone in my life. I was genuinely happy and even happier that I was responsible for it. If I could find it on my own once, I’ll always know how to find it again.

What happens when you are happy is that you attract other positive things. I don’t know the science behind it but some say it’s all about the vibrations and energy you send. If that’s true, worrying about not finding anyone will only send negative or worse – desperate vibes. I’ve spoken to so many great women who tell me they’re single because all the good men in their 30s are either taken or douche bags. Well, you attract what you think about and if that’s on your mind…guess who you’ll meet?! Exactly. Contrary to their belief, there are many great single men out there who are looking to settle down (I’d be happy to play matchmaker if anyone is interested =) ). 

A few months ago, I dropped my worries and expectations (both my own and others’ expectations of me) and decided to just go with it. Never did I imagine I’d attract all the things in my life right now. I unexpectedly met someone great, landed a new job which fit all the criteria I was after and I accomplished all the little things I wanted to achieve from my Pinterest wish list. When you focus your energy on what you have and what you want, all the things you seem to be missing don’t exist. 

So, instead of worrying about finding your future husband or wife, look within. That’s the only thing you can control. 

A lovely blogger shared this quote with me tonight from Under The Tuscan sun. It’s about lady beetles : “Listen, when I was a little girl, I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I’d just give up and fall asleep in the grass. when I woke up, they were crawling all over me.”

Learn how I went from single to engaged in 12 months.