Dating Habits to Ditch in 2015 for the Single and Taken
Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating.…
Dear 2014,
Thanks for all the Tinder dates, platonic dates and the romance. You were great so thanks for showing us what fun you can have when you let your guard down and date without expectations and sexpectations. Another year has flown by and as we bid farewell to 2014, we’re also saying goodbye to unwelcome dating habits. Whether you’re single or taken, some habits are made to be broken. Here’s our list of dating habits to ditch in 2015.
If You’re Single:
Change the Man
But not in the way you think. When you’re single, dating is a lot like roulette – there’s always a gamble mixed with bad or good bets. If you come across a bad egg, you should probably ditch the idea of making him your boyfriend. I hear many women complain they are dating an asshole and stay in the relationship hoping to change them. Their complaints about these men are all the same i.e. he lacks ambition, he’s lazy, he’s crude, he’s stubborn… The guy has been living with these traits for 20-30+ years, he’s unlikely to change in the short period of time you’re together.
Instead of moulding the person to who you want them to be, find one that doesn’t need to be ‘moulded’ to your interests and values. Don’t change the man, find a new one. Or…accept him for who he is, flaws and all.
Ditch the Expectations
Our own expectations can fail us in that they set us up for disappointment. You know why infatuation happens? When we first get to know someone, they show us all their good bits. We take all their good qualities (psychic abilities for pets? yes!) and manifest them into something more, filling in all the gaps with more good things. 3-4 weeks into dating, we’ve already drawn a skewed image of who that person is and when they don’t fulfil their role as the dark, handsome origami making musician with psychic abilities, we are met with huge disappointment. Here’s something handy to remember for every man you meet: you’re either going to break up or marry him. Dating is complicated but the outcome is very black and white. You won’t marry every man you date so try to enjoy the process.
If you’re in a Relationship:
Look Settled
Nothing is a greater insult than someone who says that you look so ‘settled’ or ‘comfortable’. What it really means if a) You’ve let yourself go b) You’ve let yourself go, lost all sense of style and gained 5kgs. Complacency in life=death. It holds you back from growing and taking on new challenges – it stunts your growth. Complacency in relationships equates to a lack of effort. It’s when we stop trying to impress our partners because we think we’ve ‘got’ them. Friday date nights at fancy restaurants where you get all dressed up turn into tracksuits and Thai takeaway. You could have a ring on your finger or not, but it’s important to put in effort to ‘keep’ them too. Humans are visual creatures – just because you’re in loversville, it does not mean you should be ditching your beauty appointments or fashion sense.
The Rut
I love a good routine, it lets me know exactly what I need to do and when to do it. The repetition is ingrained in me, putting my day-to-day activities in auto pilot. Do I sound like a robot? Probably….which is why once in awhile you should stray from the routine, just to shake things up. when you have a routine in place, you often do your usual things without even thinking about it. Relationships are dynamic and changing, you can’t apply a routine and put it in auto pilot to maintain it. And so if Saturday nights are reserved for dinner and a movie, try something else (i.e. jumping castles or a games night) for a change.
Do you have any dating habits to ditch in 2015? Share them with us in the comments below.
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Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.