Lately, I’ve been spending weeknights watching Orange is the New Black – not because I particularly like it but it’s something to do. It’s a distraction, a reason for me to procrastinate…much like dating a guy for months when you know it’s not headed anywhere serious. Don’t get me wrong, if I wasn’t looking for something more meaningful, he’d probably be the ‘right’ guy. But I am and I know that dating a guy for a few months can be fun. But if you do that 3-4 times a year, another year will pass and all you’ll look back on are the relationships that were fun but less than meaningful. Some of my girlfriends tell me how much they’d like to find a boyfriend and yet their actions show the complete opposite i.e. Telling me they want a boyfriend yet continue to hook up with random boys every other night of the week. Sometimes these guys do such a good job at being temporary boyfriends – you wouldn’t even recognise he was a time waster. So how do you know anyway? Here are 5 Signs You’re Wasting Your Time With The Wrong Guy
1. You Want Different Things
Here’s a biggie. You want to get married and have kids and he’s not sure what he wants. You can date him for a few years and hope he’ll change his mind but know that he may never change his mind or you may find he didn’t want that with you. It’s so much easier to build a relationship with someone who shares a similar vision for the future. If you find yourself in this situation, it might be better to end things early before getting too attached. And if he says he’s not sure if he ever wants to get married, he may be really saying that he doesn’t ever see himself marrying you. In that case, end things, grab some gelato, call a girlfriend and move on.
2. You Have Wandering Eyes
I’m not talking about the unrealistic eye wandering activity that Ryan Gosling may elicit. If you’re wondering if that guy from IT may be a better match or how good of a husband he may be, it’s a sign you’re probably not into the guy you’re dating. If you have to choose between the first guy and the second guy, always pick the second guy. If you were into the first one, you wouldn’t have found the second.
3. You are Bored
Sometimes it’s just nice to have some company. But make a habit out of it and it could be distracting you from meeting new people. When you have nothing planned on a Friday night, it’s much easier to go hang out at your ‘friend’s’ house than make the effort to dress up and go out. Having a fall back plan will stop you from putting yourself out there in some way or another. If you’re bored, take up a new hobby and meet new people while you are at it.
4. You are Afraid You Won’t Meet Anyone Else
This is very relevant especially if you are single and in your 30s. You think the dating pool is drying up so you hold on for dear life to the people you think are just mediocre. Well, you’ve waited this long already – why settle for mediocre. You attract what you think about so if you’re constantly thinking you won’t meet anyone, you won’t. Focus on the things you have, not on the things you don’t.
5. You Don’t Want Him to Be the Father of Your Children
Most people know whether their partner is ‘forever’. Whether they act on it or not is a whole other situation. If you can’t picture him as the father of your child, move on. You may develop deeper feelings but the older you are, the sooner you’ll know. If it’s not right, move on. I’m not saying you don’t have time to waste but if a meaningful relationship is what you want – you have to leave the ones that don’t fit the brief.
If you want a short cut to this whole finding love thing, make a list of what you want in a partner. I think this is why people meet the wrong partners to begin with…maybe they don’t really know what they want so they’ll just give everyone (right or wrong) a go. If you don’t make a decision, someone else will make it for you….like that time I decided to let the dessert lady choose my gelato flavours when I should have just told her I wanted the salted caramel gelato.
Till next time!
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Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.