Why Your Friend with Benefits is Ruining Your Love Life

By Kim C The friends with benefits booty-call is a pretty standard arrangement for plenty of mature singles. Sex is a basic human need so it makes perfect sense. Especially because people are staying single a lot longer. While there are some who would much rather hook up with a special friend than trade in their single lifestyle, what about those who are searching for love? Will having a booty-call buddy destroy their chances at finding it? Let’s take a closer look.

Getting Attached

Most people don’t have sex on a purely physical level. Sure, it happens, but sometimes emotions get in the way. Damn those emotions! When it does, it might be pure bliss or an absolute disaster. In the best case scenario the friends will develop mutual feelings. This will only be revealed if they have that awkward conversation. You know the one which neither is willing to start? It’s more likely their relationship will morph into something that looks more like a relationship and less like beneficial bed-buddies. In this case finding love certainly won’t be deterred. Now lets get real shall we? If one friend declares their feelings and the other doesn’t share their love, they will generally opt for a hasty escape. They either don’t want a relationship or they simply don’t want a relationship with them. The bottom line is this declaration will end in heartbreak for one and no sex for the other. No-one really wins. Will it destroy their chance at love? Well, for the friend whose declared their feelings it has, but only temporarily.

Booty-call Timing

If a potential relationship progresses the booty-calls need to end. Neither gender, likes the thought of playing the dating game and getting serious with someone who’s getting a bit on the side. It’s not exactly an ideal way to begin a relationship now is it. When’s the right time to end it? Oh, there’s a million dollar question. I suppose if you start a sexual relationship with someone or just as importantly, intend to start a sexual relationship. Either is a prime time for the booty-calls to go. Anything else is cheating, however you rationalize it. A good rule of thumb is the do one to others saying. If it’s not ok for the other person to get a booty-call, then act accordingly. This looks simple in theory, but then so do most relationship issues we often insist on complicating.

The Double Standard Gender Thing

Sorry to raise this ugly monster, but we all know about the double standard gender thing when it comes to sex. Does it apply to the friends with benefits booty-call scenario? Absolutely, I’m sorry to say. Men can talk more openly about it without destroying their quest for true love. Women don’t like it, but they get it. Men on the other hand, would prefer not to know a potential partner has had sex with anyone, let alone know about a booty-call friend. Some things are just better left unsaid. It’s not lying unless they ask and most men don’t want to know. Problem solved. If asked avoid the details and tell the truth. There are always exceptions to most rules and this one is a big one. It’s when variables such as culture come into play that things take a downward slide. For some women in certain cultures booty-calls are a definite no-no. People gossip and before long any derogatory labels will stick. In these cases having a friend with benefits will have a massive potential to ruin a woman’s chance of finding true love. Although I’m tempted to jump on the feminist bandwagon I won’t. I’ll just add, thankfully female sexuality is becoming more socially acceptable with each passing year. It’s precisely what you do about your friendly booty-caller when love comes a-knocking that is the key. It’s one thing to search and find. It’s a different matter entirely to find and keep friend with benefits won’t stop anyone finding love.