How to Drop the ‘What Are We’ Bomb

By April Davis

Relationships aren’t supposed to be easy. They’re a roller coaster, a game even, with too many unspoken rules for any mere mortal to keep up with.

We spend a lot of time stumbling through the motions with no clue where we’re headed, or how to get there. Putting a label on your undefined relationship status is just one of the many hiccups that make the dating game a never-ending hurdles race. Hook up culture really hasn’t helped ease the confusion; it’s just made it much worse. So what are you? Are you friends with benefits? Are you in a committed relationship? Or are you just a one off thing? These are the types of questions you find yourself asking when you realise you like the person your seeing and sex just isn’t cutting it anymore.

A lot of you are probably desperately seeking an answer on what to do and when. Well sadly, I have to be the bearer of bad news. There’s no right or wrong answer on when to drop the age old ‘What are we?’ bomb. Like so many other painful parts of life, all you can really do is play it by ear. Every relationship is different, just like every member of a relationship is different. People will be ready at different times. But, don’t stress, we’re not going to leave you completely in the dark! We do have a few tips to help you decipher the best timeline for your relationship.

Four simple questions can help you work out where you’re at, then you’ll have the tools you need to decide whether or not you want to put a label on it.

How long have you been together?

Just a little FYI, going Facebook official after the first date, is never a good idea. Before even breaching the topic of girlfriend/boyfriend status, you need to know one another. Defining a relationship can be a big deal; it’s scary taking that step with a new person and you should care about them first. It shouldn’t be entered into lightly. Think of it like a new job. If you find the right one you’re going to be in it for the long haul and it has the potential to take you a long way. On the other hand, if you leap into the wrong one, things can get messy very quickly.

Does the relationship go beyond sex?

It’s probably not a good idea to be clinging to the hope of a future together if you’re just a 2 am booty call. Remember boys and girls, nothing good ever happens after 2am. On the other hand, if sex is just one of the reasons your new relationship is thriving it could be time to start thinking about where you’re heading.

Is your bond mutual?

Do they respond to your texts? Do you both initiate plans? Or are you on a one lane road when you really want to be hitting up the transit lane? These are the types of things you should be considering. Although you will never know for sure, nine times out of ten you’ll be able to pick up whether your feelings are requited. If you think they are, what are you waiting for? Take the plunge; if you’re wrong, the worst thing that can happen is they say no. If that’s the case then you’re better of knowing sooner rather than later.

Have you openly discussed the future?

If your partner is making holiday plans for the two of year a year from now, it’s pretty safe to say you can drop the ‘what are we?’ bomb. Making plans months in advance shows that they intend to stick around and that they see some sort of a future with you. In this case, hell yeah, have the conversation, chances are it will go well.

Having said all this, some people may never have the ‘what are we’ conversation and that’s okay too. Not everyone feels the need to put a label on his or her relationship, like I said earlier, there’s no right, or wrong course of action, it’s all dependent on the individuals.