Practice Patience to Find Love – It really works.

I genuinely believe that good things come to those who wait. But when I was 31 and freshly single, fear got the worst of me and I constantly felt like time was running out. I thought I’d waited long enough to meet ‘the one’ and was frustrated that I had to start dating again. But patience in love is like running a marathon you’ve never trained for, without a watch and map. There’s a beginning and an end, but you don’t know what the terrain is like, you don’t know how you’ll get there and you don’t know how long it’ll take you to get there. You just have to believe there’s a destination and enjoy the run. I think a lot of people underestimate the power of being patient, especially when it comes to relationships. For me, being patient helped me meet someone really special.

8 months ago I thought about settling down with someone who wasn’t quite right for me, just because I was ready to settle down. Some of my friends had already done it and though it wasn’t quite the marital bliss I’d hope for, I thought it’d be better than spending the next few years not knowing what would or would not come next.

I met Ed, a 30 something banker through my cousin. He was gregarious, chivalrous and had the thoughtfulness that’d put all my exes to shame. He had property, a steady job and high ambitions – husband material. There was no spark and little chemistry but we got along. I thought – okay maybe I could just settle down with him. But I knew it wasn’t quite right and I convinced myself that these feelings I had were stronger than they really were. And then I remembered all the other years I spent single, adamant about not settling. I thought, if the 20 year old version of me didn’t settle, why should the 30 year old me settle? Because I needed to have babies? Because I didn’t think I deserved more? No. I had no reason to settle.

So I didn’t.

I said goodbye to Ed and on my 33th birthday wrote an entry on everything I wanted in a relationship. I was specific about how I wanted to feel, what kind of person I wanted to be with and what kind of person I’d be in that relationship. I wrote it down, put it away and that was it. I put it out there and believed that I’d meet him eventually. I just needed to enjoy every moment before that. I was happy and patient because I knew what I was looking for would eventually find a way.

It’s tempting to take short cuts sometimes – it gives you instant gratification and a fast way to the end but life isn’t a journey you rush through. You have to go through the steps to appreciate the journey. So here are two scenarios where you need to be patient:

1. Meeting Your Big Love

You may feel like you’ll end up alone but if hold onto these fears, you’ll actually project them. It’s why some guys can feel the ‘desperate vibes’. Love your life the way it is and know you’ll find what you’re looking for. There are plenty of men who are looking to meet their big love. When it comes to commitment men and women have completely different timelines. Men take time to evaluate whether a woman aligns with his values and goals where as women tend to get caught up in the early stages of the relationship thinking that the next guy is always ‘the guy’. Example, remember how you used to doodle your name with your crush’s last name? I can’t recall the number of times I scribbled ‘Brad Wheeler’ in my notebooks – when I hadn’t even properly met the guy. 

2. Waiting for Him to Propose

When you’ve been dating the same guy for years, it could feel like he will never propose, that you will never get the wedding and family you want. What doesn’t work is putting pressure on things to move along quicker than they should. My guy friend Adam put it in such a succinct way: ‘If you got a guy, I hope he realises the prize he’s got and makes the right decision at the right time. He needs to realise it on his own. Only then will you really appreciate you’. Marriage is a big, lifetime decision. Give him a little slack if he’s a little slow to pop the question. Where many women tend to control the relationship with aggression, the opposite thing to do is to show him more love than ever, show that you’re not relying on your partner to fulfil a checkbox on your bucket list. It doesn’t need to be hard to do, try these I miss you quotes. 

So how do you practice patience when you’re in your late 20s and 30s and your Facebook feed is flooded with baby and wedding pictures? With faith and patience – a little bit of a, a little bit of b.

 Dating in yours late 20s and 30s is different from dating in your early 20s. We get it. In this free e-book, we’ve asked 100 men what they look for in a girlfriend, what makes them commit and you’ll know how long he is likely to date a woman before he proposes. To download your copy, email me at iona@30everafter.com. 

Photo credit: Charlie Foster