What’s It’s Really Like to Be a Mistress

Every story has 3 sides, his, hers and the truth. In a love triangle, there are 4 sides of the story. His, hers, the mistress’ and the truth. I’m not justifying infidelity. But I also feel that no one really tells the mistress’ story. Everyone sympathises with the wife/gf/baby mama but it’s also not easy being the woman on the side. I’ve never been a mistress and if my girlfriend told me she was dating a married man, I’d probably cast judgement – until I met B, my beautiful and talented friend with great values but will always be labelled as just a mistress. In our recent catch up, she told me what it’s really like to be a mistress.

As told by Amy, what it’s really like to be a mistress.

1.You Get Rejected Everyday

I may be like a part-time girlfriend but at the end of the day, he goes home to her. He chooses her over me every single day. Christmas, long weekends, birthdays, he spends all those special occasions with her whilst I get squeezed into whatever time he has left.

2. You are Never Priority

You’re competing with his day to day routine, his Mrs. and maybe even a baby. So when he has time and it’s after 3am, you stay up to spend time with him…because you love him and you’d rather sacrifice sleep than not see him at all. My man needs 8 hours of sleep to function, I need less than that but since I’ve met x, I might sleep 3 hours and than head straight into work for 10-12 hours and then the routine repeats. I’m exhausted.

3. No One Acknowledges Your Relationship

You’re the mistress, not the girlfriend. Even if you have been seeing each other for a year or two, it doesn’t count. He is my boyfriend but I’m not his girlfriend. When my girlfriends are talking their boyfriends, I can’t take part in those conversations because our relationship hasn’t been legitmized. He already has a baby and a baby mama that he lives with.

4. You are Only Known as the Mistress

I’m a creative, an entrepreneur, a great friend and a musician and yet because of the choices I make in my relationship, I will always be branded as a mistress. People have a hard time seeing beyond the man I’ve chosen to be with. This one decision has influenced how people see me in all faucets of life.

5. You Get All the Benefits of Being a Girlfriend, None of the Security

He may call you every morning and night and take you out on dates. He may introduce you to his friends and act like your boyfriend but you never know when he’ll decide to stop seeing you and go back to his Mrs. permanently. It’s an insecure position and you’ll always be second guessing where you stand. And so you grieve everyday to prepare for the potential loss.

It can be emotionally taxing being the mistress. This position keeps me from a serious relationship everyday but I’m so deep in, I can’t get out. I’m not asking for sympathy, only for everyone to understand that it isn’t easy being the mistress.

Photo Credit: Thong Vo via Unsplash