“I May Have a STD, You Might Have It Too” -How to Avoid The Kind of Phone Call You Don’t Want to Get

Not that I’m a prude but sex isn’t something I typically write about. But since I’ve met some of my younger readers, I’ve realised there is a serious lack of education about sex. I’m not talking about the birds and the bees talk – but all the awkward conversations and things you should be doing before the deed.

Talking about birth control, STDs and health checks before sex can be such a buzz kill right? Why not just have fun and ‘live in the moment’?

It can be fun to be carefree in the heat of the moment but trust me – it’s something you’ll regret later if that fling/one night stand/guy you’re seeing calls to tell you to get a medical check up because he’s just been tested positive for a STD. Think it can’t happen to you because you don’t sleep around? STDS are more common than you think, many women I’ve spoke to recently told me that most of thier friends had contracted a STD at some point in their early and mid 20s.

A blast from the past can be exciting and worthy of a found reflection but not when it’s at the expense of your health. So please keep the following in mind before you bed someone.

If You Know You’re Going to Sleep With Someone New

1. Get tested. Along with any emotional baggage, any potential health risks should be cleared before you sleep with someone new. It’s not only courteous to your partner but best for your health. If you do pick up any STDs (which I really hope you don’t), at least you won’t have to trace back your steps and contact every guy/girl you slept with.

2. Have a chat about birth control. This is probably one of the best pieces of advice I can give you. Some men will just assume the women they’re sleeping with is on the pill and initiate unprotected sex.

For the men who hate the feeling of condoms: a common scenario is one where a couple ditches the condoms because it’s uncomfortable or doesn’t feel as great. While birth control pills are pretty reliable these days, it doesn’t offer 100% protection. If you’re going to have sex without a condom, you might need to address what you’d like to happen in case of an unexpected pregnancy. Before I got engaged, I told my then boyfriend that given my age (early 30s), I’d keep the baby if we fell pregnant. Having that check helps to manage expectations from both ends.

3. While you’re on the topic of birth control, ask if he’s had a medical check up recently. It is so unsexy to talk about it- but it’s better to be safe than sorry. Some STDs can be cured with antibiotics while some aren’t so easy to rid of.

How to Initiate the Conversation

There’s no easy way to put this so it’s best to cut to the chase. Next time you’re inching closer to sleeping with someone (typically the 4th-5th date), open up the discussion with something along the lines of: “I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you. I also love that we’re getting closer on a physical level. But before we go further, I’m going to see the doctor for a sexual health check, because I care about our health. Is this something you’d want to do too?”. If you have the same values, he/she will likely agree to it. If not, you might want to consider whether this person is a good fit for you in the first place.

How to You Tell Someone You have a STD

It’s the dreaded conversation that no one wants to have. If you have contracted a STD, consult your doctor and determine who you should tell. Some STDS may not show in the previous test so it’s likely you might have to backtrack and speak to everyone you’ve slept with for the past 12 months (not ideal). Then nip it in the bud and call each person straight away (to prevent it from spreading any further). Keep the small talk to a minimal and tell them you’ve been to a doctor and thought you’d share the results with them. Be prepared to arm that person with all the information you can i.e when you saw the doctor, how the STD is contracted, when your test results came back, if any others you slept with contracted the same STD. The more information you can give, the better because you can bet the person on the receiving end of this call is panicking.

With great pleasure comes a risk and sometimes sex is taken too lightly. Do the due diligence before the deed and save yourself from the panic later on.

Image via: Nomao Saeki