The ONE Tip to Texting Men You Need to Know About
As a relationships and dating coach, I always have readers/clients/friends asking me to check their texts before they send them to a guy. The things they often ask me to check:
- Proper use of emojis
- Number of x’s at the end of a text (or if a ‘x’ is called for)
- Tone of the text
We tend to analyse and over analyse the texts we send people because let’s be real – texts can cause a lot of miscommunication. But if you let my one tip guide you, you may be able to hit send faster than you normally would.
My Tip to Texting Men (or anyone):
Focus on how the text makes the other person feel.
Too often we thinking about what words to use, whether our sentences make sense. None of that matters. It’s not what you say but HOW you say it. Your words need to create connection.
Let’s just say your date bails on you for the 2nd time in a row. You’re disappointed and you want to let him know it’s not okay.
I often see women approach this situation in two ways:
- Tell him straight up that you’re disappointed. When he apologises you say something like: “You’re bailing again? It’s really short notice. I could have made other plans. I wish you hadn’t of asked me out if you knew you weren’t going to make it”.
You may have spoken your point and communicated your thoughts but the tone and language of the text will easily pull the other person’s guard up. When someone is in defensive mode, they will have difficulty comprehending your key messages>
2. Rather than focusing on him bailing, focus on how his actions make you feel. i.e. It’s a shame you have a work thing on again. I understand your work is important to you but because we’re cancelling another date I feel like your priorities are elsewhere. Do you feel the same?
Why this works:
You’re not playing the blame game – just explaining how the circumstance is affecting you. Notice the tone – it comes from empathy and understanding. Asking him how he feels also opens the conversation up so it’s not one-sided.
Text conversations are becoming more and more complex – so much that I was able to write an entire book about it. If texting men is confusing to you, check out my Ultimate Guide to Texting Men on Amazon. Note: You can read this on your iPhone or Desktop, you just need to download the free Kindle app.
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