Where to find good men and how to recognise them

An excerpt from So Where’s My Boyfriend?

Now that we’ve gone through the foundations of building your ideal relationship, we can talk about men. There isn’t a cookie cutter approach in dating. The tactics you use to engage with one person won’t be the same as they would be with another. Luckily, we have archetypes to lean on that can give some insight into lots of different men. Obviously, these are generalizations, but they still provide a great glimpse into how men think, and how you can get to know them. Keep in mind as you read on that there is no “trick” to “catching” a man. The best you can do is try to connect with someone and see if you’re compatible. Any guide that advises you to act or be a certain way to interest a man is doomed. You can’t pretend to be someone you’re not forever that would be exhausting and unrealistic.

The following is a guide for those looking for a nice guy. They often show up in two ways: as the reformed bad boy or the straight up nice guy.

The Reformed Bad Boy

When I reference “the bad boy,” I don’t mean the motorcycle-riding, leather-wearing derelict you may have dated when you were a teen. This is the kind of guy who does things on his own terms, who breaks the rules when they don’t suit him, and has an individualistic streak a mile wide. The appeal of this guy is easy: he’s exciting to be around and always full of surprises. The downsides are just as clear too, though. He can be unpredictable and impossible to rely on. What you need to look for, if you’re the kind of person who loves a bad boy, is someone who has all the benefits and few of the drawbacks. Look for a guy who has tamed his self-destructive impulses but kept the free-spirited nature that keeps him interesting and exciting. This usually means looking for a bad boy who’s a little older and more mature. You want someone who has seen the error of his youthful ways and has translated that experience into wisdom. What you’re looking for is the reformed bad guy.

Who He Is

The grown-up bad boy might be the young, up-and-coming finance guy who’s quickly rising through the ranks of his firm or he might be an artist who’s making a big impact in his field. Whatever he does for a living, be sure that he’ll be challenging the stereotypes of what is expected for someone in his position. How can you tell the difference between a grown-up bad boy and just a regular boy who’s bad? They won’t let their devil-may-care spirit affect their life in negative ways. They will have found a way to channel their energy into creativity rather than destructiveness.

If you see warning signs like not being able to support himself or burning bridges in his personal life when anyone gets too close, you may still have a bad boy on your hands. If you do see things like this, it doesn’t always mean he’s a bad person. It might just be that he hasn’t had the life experience necessary to temper his energy into a more healthy lifestyle. You don’t have to hate him, but you definitely shouldn’t date him. It can be tough to flip the switch on a crush, but if you know that someone just isn’t at a place in their life to be a good addition to yours, you have to. Spend time really thinking about what they might bring to the table and if those things are things you really want. Remember: a partner isn’t just a person you know. They’re someone who will help you build your life together. If they are going to be using unsafe materials, you’re better off building alone.

What He’s Looking For

Your bad boy is looking for someone who will run at life full force, jump without hesitating, and without fear. If that sounds like the kind of life you’re looking for too, GREAT! With that said, the bad boy is probably also looking for a little bit of balance. If you think you can ask questions about his plans, get him to consider the consequences a little bit, and maybe take a more stable approach sometimes, all without nagging, you’ll probably be a great fit. Remember that this absolutely doesn’t mean you need to change yourself to be more attractive to him. All it means that is if the wonderful person that you already are has an individualistic streak, you’re more likely to be a match with this type of guy. 

How To Connect With Him

If you want to connect with this kind of man, you’ll want to send out signals that are carefree, independent, and brave. You’ll need to make sure that you have tons of your own pursuits. This guy gets bored more easily than most, so you will have to have a lot to say and really interesting ways to say it. The only way you can make sure that you do is by grabbing your own life by the horns at every opportunity. If you’ve got your sights set on a reformed bad boy, the best way to appeal to him is to appeal to your own sense of adventure. That screenplay you’ve always wanted to write, that mountain-climbing trip you’ve always wanted to plan, the painting that has been rattling around in your brain? Do it. Make the time to pursue these things like you never have before. Not only will you be more interesting to creative, individualistic men, you’ll also be living your best life and unlocking your own artistic self. It’s a win-win. 

The other kind of nice guy you’ll meet? You’ll need to read the book to find out. =)

To buy So Where’s My Boyfriend, buy it on Amazon.