“It was over before it began” – my guy friend told me.
That was how he described a text he received, one so innocent and filled with good, wholesome intentions. The text he got that he ignored immediately was…
“Hey, how’s it going?”
Perfectly acceptable at work and face to face social get togethers but use it in the context of online dating and you may not receive the same kind of response you would in person.
It’s not that there’s anything wrong with the line, it’s just that every other person is using it and it can quickly lose its appeal when you are copy and pasting the same reply to the same question.
Maybe you haven’t used this line but the guy you’ve been seeing has stopped texting you.
Here are a few reasons why he stopped texting you
You’re texting him too much
There is such thing as too much of a good thing. Dating is like a tennis match. If one person is constantly serving, it can be exhausting for the other person to return the ball…especially if they don’t want to play the game in the first place. Similar to dating if you’re always texting the guy, he may feel obligated to respond. This really take the fun out of flirting.
Tip to note: Invest as much as the other party. So if he send you a text first, initiate the next one. If you feel he’s slower to respond, give it a break. A lot of women tend to overcompensate when they feel a man withdrawing, that’s probably the least productive thing to do.
Lack of chemistry or banter
These are the top questions men tend to find ‘meh’:
- How was your day?
- How was work?
- How was dinner?/What did you eat?
Normal chit chat doesn’t get as much attention as a picture of something funny you saw that day. The way we consume media is so different now, it’s no longer just text. It’s video, snapchats, memes and Gifs. I personally love an old fashioned phone call or text (no emojis needed) but online dating has evolved.
“If you’re gong to text, make it be for a good reason. Ask if the guy wants to get coffee. If not, send a photo. Some of the best messages I get are just photos of what she’s doing. ‘Check out this dog I saw on the street or ‘check out this cocktail I’m drinking’”, Tom, 29.
You’re teasing him with texts
Both men and women are guilty of this – some are just online and texting people to get attention. They have no intention to go on a date and actually get to know a person. It’s just our way of connecting with each other while staying glued to our devices. If you’re constantly texting a guy to see if he’ll respond and chase you, follow through and show up in person when he asks you out. No one likes to be led on.
Chances are, if he’s stopped texting you he’s either moved on to another woman OR he just didn’t see your online chemistry translating offline. Creating a connection behind screens is a tricky one. For more tips on how you can present your best self online and connect with guys, check out this guide- Ultimate guide to texting men.
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Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.