How to take back your love life when you’re dating in your 30s
When I was 28 and still single a guy friend told me something along the lines of this:
It’s fine to be single now but if you’re still single by 30, you’re in trouble. At the time I didn’t sweat it. I was in a relationship and I thought it was going to last. But when I found myself single again at 31, those words rang as loud as my biological clock. I constantly felt that my love life depended on luck, on timing, on circumstance – all the things that were out of my control.
And it’s how many singles in their 30s feel – like they’re not in control of their own love lives.
It leaves singles waiting and waiting. And if a decent guy doesn’t come around it’s easy to think:
Maybe it’ll never happen for me
Do I really want a man anyway?
If it happens, it happens. I don’t need a man.
The thoughts above are the symptoms of a poor dating mindset. It can totally happen for you. And here’s you can take the control back:
Note: prefer to listen instead? Listen to the podcast.
Set the intention
Don’t go into finding ‘your one’ half heartedly. If you just decide you’re ready, your actions should follow. A woman who is really ready will do everything it takes i.e. go on dates, make an effort to meet people, read books, take courses, get coaching, journal…etc. In contrast a woman who goes in half fast will ‘see what happens’. When they’ve had a bad date, they revert back to ‘enjoying’ the single life. Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure there are people who are happily single. But those people are different from those who say they’re happy being single when deep down, they want much more. Go all in 100%.
You don’t always decide who comes into your life but you decide who stays
How many times have you stayed a little too long in a relationship that wasn’t right? It’s easy to meet Mr.Right Now. These relationships are alright, they’re cruisy but they don’t eventuate into anything long term. It isn’t a problem if you have time to spare but if you want to take back your love life, you need to recognise the relationships that have potential to go the distance. I have a worksheet that helps you know if a guy is worth seeing in just 3 dates.
Change your mindset
When things aren’t going the way you expect, in the timeline you expect, it’s easy to think it won’t happen for you. So. Not. True. If this is the way you’re thinking, you need a change in mindset. Those with a healthy dating mindset will know that a mediocre date doesn’t equal failure. They see it as another stepping stone.
Stop telling the same stories
If you aren’t finding what you want in love and life, look at the stories you’re telling yourself. Maybe it’s that you don’t think you’re ready to meet someone because you’re feeling 5lbs heavier or maybe it’s because you think there are no good men left in their 30s. Those are the stories you tell yourself and not the truth. In my 30 day ‘Lucky in Love’ bootcamp, I have exercises which help you identify what those stories are. Because once you know what your stories are, you can dissolve them.
Understand your roadblocks
If you find yourself in the same dating patterns (and not happy about it), there’s something you can do to break them. You just need to know what they are. Some people attract the same partner because it’s what they think they want (but not what they need). Some people get into unhealthy relationships because that’s what they recognise as love.
There are so many things you can do to take back the control in your love life. You just need to decide you’re ready to do it, that it can happen for you. If you want to re-set your love life and attract healthy love (just by being you), check out my https://mailchi.mp/30everafter/mini-courseFREE mini course to attract healthy love.
What's Your Reaction?
Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.