Hi, welcome back to 30EverAfter. Today, this topic is ‘He can’t have a baby, should we break up?‘. I know for a lot of women, this is a deal breaker. But you have to consider 3 things:
#1 – What’s your priority?
Is it a happy marriage or is it a baby? For some people, some women, they don’t care about the marriage. They don’t care if they find happiness and love. They just want to have a baby. If they can find a guy to have a baby with, that’s great. If it doesn’t work out, they get a baby out of it. That’s one perspective of a woman, who really wants to have a baby. On the contrary, maybe your expectations for happiness is just being happy, and if a baby comes alone, then great. So whether or not that’s a deal breaker, is up to you. But you should also consider the 2nd thing.
#2 – What’s your idea and what’s his vision of a family?
Because family nowadays looks really different. It doesn’t have to be biological children. You don’t have to conceive naturally. You know, there’s technology, there’s science. So maybe, are you both open to adoption? Are you open to surrogacy? Are you open to, you know, your friends or somebody being an egg or a sperm donor? You know, for some families, it could just be a dog. Like we always said, if we couldn’t have a baby we would just have more dogs. And we had Fudge to begin with, and he’s our baby, and now we have a human baby. But still, the idea is, everybody’s idea of a family is very different. So, see if you both can align and if you both can align, and kind of put together what an ideal family looks like to you, then it may not be a deal breaker at all. The relationship would have a chance.
#3 – Ultimately, can you be happy?
So, if you know that, your man, he’s been very honest with you. He can’t give you what you need, can’t give you a chance to have a baby biologically, will you be happy? Will you resent him? Because no one wants to go through the rest of their lives in a marriage for many years, resenting their partner because they never gave them what they really wanted. So you have to think about this: if you don’t break up with him now; if you stay with him and you don’t have a child; things don’t go according to your ideal plan, would you be unhappy? Will you be resentful? So these are things to consider, I think, whether or not it’s a deal breaker, if your guy can’t give you a baby.
And also, can I just say, I mean it doesn’t happen to everyone, but I know couples who have been told that’s never gonna happen to them and then, bam! It’s typical – they stop trying and then they fall pregnant. I’m not saying it will happen to you, but it happens as well.
So those are the things to consider. Again, it’s not black and white, can’t give you the right answer, but I do hope you find an answer. Now, if you’re going through the same dilemma, leave a comment and let me know what you think.
What's Your Reaction?
Iona is a Wellness Coach specialising in relationships and dating. She works with single women to write their own love stories.